Prologue
Fionnuala Black watched as, one by one, the males she’d known her entire life swore their loyalty to her older brother, Killian. She listened with her full attention as Killian assigned a role to each male, but her eyes were riveted to the one who stood next to Killian. Rajah.
Rajah stood off to Killian’s right, or as she just recently found out, his name was officially Prithviraj. She didn’t know what his full name meant, but she’d looked it up once and knew that Raj meant king in his native Sanskrit. He looked like a regal king, watching proudly as each male was sworn in. His handsome face showed his happiness and his contentment.
Having been sheltered her whole life and feeling alienated from the wolves who were supposed to be in her pack, Fin understood completely when Rajah had told her that he was fiercely loyal to Killian because Killian accepted him for who he was. Like her, Rajah was a little different and had searched long for the place he felt that he belonged. Rajah had found his place by Killian’s side. With Killian making Rajah his Beta, that spoke a lot of Killian’s respect for Rajah as well.
She was happy for Rajah in that he finally found where he belonged. As she felt happiness for him, she felt the sadness and resentment that she wasn’t allowed to be a part of this special event today. Thanks to her stupid parents refusing to let go of a precious commodity. That’s all she was to them. Something they could barter to the highest bidder. Well, that’s all she was to Connell. Maggie just wanted nothing to do with her, and, for the life of her, Fin never understood why.
Sure, some wolves get wiggy around things they can’t explain, but Maggie had always treated her like she was some contagious abomination. Maggie loved Duncan and adored Killian, that much was painfully obvious, but when it came to her only daughter, Maggie wanted nothing to do with her.
“We are the Teaghlach pack!” Killian called out.
“We are the Teaghlach pack!” Everyone in the room replied to Killian making the announcement that the pack was formed.
Without her.
But, according to Rajah, it didn’t have to always be that way. He’d told her that Connell had agreed to release her to join Killian’s new pack if she chose not to form a companion mating with Logan. She liked Logan and could see herself learning to care about him. If the situation was different, she wouldn’t find a companion mating with him something akin to a prison sentence as she’d first thought, but she’d spent enough time with him to know that he wasn’t the one who made her heart beat out of control. She liked Logan, but she loved Rajah. She knew it deep down in her heart.
As if drawn by a magnet, her eyes found Rajah, and she watched him. She was standing off in the back of the room away from the commotion, so no one noticed her right away. Rajah had left Killian’s side, and Fin’s heart accelerated thinking that he was coming back over to stand with her, but he stopped next to the beautiful doctor what’s-her-name to chat. The doctor who apparently was now in same the pack. When did that happen? Fin thought that she was here for Aoife’s birth then she was supposed to leave to go back to wherever it was she’d come from. But now, she was in the same pack as Rajah and didn’t the two of them look all chummy?
Fin couldn’t stop the quiet growl that erupted from her throat when the doctor turned and gave Rajah a hug. Every time that female was around Rajah, she seemed to be hanging all over him like she owned him or something. What’s worse is that Rajah didn’t seem to object to her affections. He barely let Fin touch him anymore, and yet he let this other female rub her hands all over him.
Despite Riley’s telling her that there were no romantic feelings between them, there had to be more to their relationship than just friendship. Maybe that was the reason the doctor decided to stay. If she and Rajah had known each other in the past, maybe she decided to stay so she could start something with him. As she thought of it, Fin’s anger grew but so did her jealousy. Maybe Rajah was pushing Fin away and urging her to find her own mate because he wanted to be with the doctor. Maybe he was waiting for Fin to mate, so he wasn’t saddled with being her Protector anymore.
Just when she’d worked up her courage to march over there and physically remove that female’s hands from herwolf, Killian stepped up to them and Athena made her exit. Killian said something to Rajah, and though Fin couldn’t hear what it was over the cacophony of voices, whatever it was, it got Rajah upset. Then they both turned to look back at her, and Fin had a feeling that her evening was about to get a lot more interesting.
“This is not a good idea, Killian,” Rajah said to him.
“Lucan wants to tell Fin. Kevin dying has got him all agitated, and he feels this need to bond with his family. He’s already approached Abby and wants to spend more time with her and Aoife.”
“And I encourage him to spend time with all of them, but now is not the time to tell Fionnuala of her relation to him. She feels alienated tonight because of everything. This will only upset her and will produce the opposite reaction that Lucan is hoping for. Let things settle down, and I will tell her in a manner that won’t cause her undo stress.”
“She’s almost thirty. She’s going to have to learn to handle a little stress, Raji,” Killian said and looked around. “Where is she?”
Rajah turned to look to where he’d left Fin and saw her looking over at them. She looked upset. “Killian, please,” Rajah pleaded. “Not tonight.”
“I’m sorry, Raji. Normally I defer to you where Fin is involved, but I’ve already given Lucan the okay to tell her.” Killian put his hand on Rajah’s shoulder. “Do you want to be there when he does?”
Rajah sighed. “Yes,” he said reluctantly. “I’ll go get her and bring her to your office.” He took a deep breath to try to calm his nerves then headed over to Fin.
She was going to be upset, and she was going to be upset with him because he’d known and hadn’t told her. She’d made the comment when he’d told her about Killian’s decision to form his own pack and Connell’s insistence that she stay in the Samhradh pack that she thought they’d told each other everything. If only she knew how little she really knew about him.
“Hey,” Fin said to him when he came up to her. She looked into his eyes and could tell he was upset about something.
He bowed his head to her. “What did you think of the ceremony?”
“I would’ve liked it a lot better if I was included, but it was nice,” she admitted. She kept her eyes on him waiting for him to get to the cause of his distress.
He remained silent, and that didn’t bode well. He always paused before speaking when he was trying to find a tactful way to say something upsetting.
“Would you come with me to Killian’s office? He and Lucan would like to talk to you for a moment.”
Fin creased her brow. “Killy and Lucan want to talk to me? What about?” she asked but took his arm and held on as he guided her out of the room.
He clenched his jaw. “I will let them tell you.”
“Okay,” she said uneasily. “Is it something bad?”
“It is entirely up to you whether it’s good or bad.”
What exactly did that mean and why was Rajah talking in riddles like Lucan all of a sudden? There wasn’t time to ask before he stepped to the office door and opened it, ushering her in with a gentle push at the small of her back.
Rajah closed the door and motioned for Fin to go over and sit with Lucan and Killian. She looked back at him, and he knew she wanted him to go with her for emotional support. He was her rock, and she believed that he’d always protect her. But he wouldn’t be able to protect her with this, and after she heard what Lucan had to say, he knew she wouldn’t want his protection. He took a seat in the chair at the end of the rug and watched, knowing that his heart was about to be ripped from his chest.
“Thanks for coming tonight, Fin. It meant a lot to me that you were there,” Killian stood when she came over to them.
Fin looked back at Rajah, and he nodded, giving her what support he could. He wished Killian would’ve let himtell her. He knew Fin better than anyone and knew how to gauge her reaction. But Killian hadn’t given him that option, so all he could do was helplessly watch and wait.
“I’m proud of you, big brother,” she said giving Killian a quick hug then finding her seat next to Lucan. “And, wow, you left the Samhradh pack to join Killy?”
Killian rolled his eyes at the nickname. Lilly had trouble saying Killian’s name and started calling him Killy. Fin thought it was cute and started calling him it as well. It was bad enough that Nicky called him Boss, now Killian hadtwo nicknames he couldn’t stand.
“Yes,” Lucan said turning to face Fin. “Kevin’s death has made me realize the importance of family.”
Fin nodded. She knew that Lucan was Abby’s great-great grandfather, so it made sense that he would want to spend more time with her and Aoife.
“Bummer about Kevin,” she said, not really feeling sympathy. She never knew the guy, and from what Abby had told her, he was a real fucktwit. That was the first time she’d been able to use that new word.
“Yes,” Lucan agreed.
“Well, I’m sure Abby would love spend more time with you, and, I have to tell you, you’re in for a real treat come mealtimes,” Fin said to him with a smile.
Killian smiled and glanced over at Rajah. Rajah just looked back at him but refused to acknowledge him. Killian usually heeded to Rajah where Fin was involved. He must be doing this for Lucan’s benefit. Rajah knew that Killian owed Lucan everything. Lucan had allowed him to truly mate with Abby, and Rajah didn’t begrudge him that, but this would take a bit of time to forgive.
“I’m looking forward to spending time with all of my family,” Lucan said.
“Yeah, Aoife’s a gem.” She looked up at Killian and smiled. “You know, I think the little squirt might have burped my name yesterday.”
Killian chuckled. “That’s my girl,” he said proudly.
“I’m not just referring to Abigail and Aoife, Fionnuala.”
Fin creased her brow again. “Who else are you related to?” she asked looking over at Killian.
Rajah took a breath and braced himself for her reaction.
“Did you ever wonder, Fionnuala, how you happen to come by your visions?”
Fin looked back at Rajah. Rajah knew she’d wondered and had suspected that something was off because of both Connell’s and Maggie’s reaction to her gift had been so volatile. They’d talked about it dozens of times, and Rajah had so desperately wanted to tell her but never could.
“I don’t understand,” she stammered looking back at Lucan and then over to Killian.
“I was companion mated to a pack female named Maeve Ryan,” Lucan began.
“You were?” Fin asked. She hadn’t known Lucan had ever been mated before. Somehow thinking of him that way gave her the willies.
Lucan nodded. “Maeve conceived about the same time Connell and Magdalena conceived their third pup.”
A shiver ran up Fin’s spine, and she got one of those all over body chills.
“Both females went into labor roughly the same time and each suffered loss. Maeve was able to birth the female pup, but she bled too much and died before she ever had a chance to hold her.”
Fin looked at him and the words, I’m sorry for your loss were on the tip of her tongue, but he didn’t look crushed. He looked as if he was conveying information about someone else. She bit her tongue and waited.
“Magdalena’s pup was not breathing when she was born. She never took her first breath.”
“Wait. What?” Fin asked in reaction to Lucan’s words, looking to Killian then back to Rajah.
“I was unprepared to raise a pup, and Connell was worried their pup’s loss would cause a rift in the pack. The pack had been planning a celebration for the Alpha family for years, and they would have been devastated.”
“And what about the celebration for your pup?” Fin asked, starting to realize what Lucan was trying to tell her.
“No one knew about my pup. Maeve and I decided to keep the news to ourselves. She was the only wolf of her line in the pack, and, of course, I rarely went out into society.”
Fin’s eyes filled with tears. “You gave your pup … you gave me to Connell and Maggie, and they presented me as theirs, didn’t you?”
“It was best,” Lucan told her.
“Best for who? You? Connell? Obviously not best for me considering both Connell and Maggie treat me like I have the plague.”
“Connell was hard on us all, Fin,” Killian said, unsure of why he felt the need to defend his father. He found his father’s part in this situation reprehensible, and his reasoning for deriving the whole plan was selfish and cruel.
Her expression turned fierce. “He didn’t send you away, though, did he?”
“None of us knew that you had inherited some of my … traits until you had your first vision. I tried to teach them, and, to his credit, Connell did try to care for you.”
“But Maggie never wanted anything to do with me, and now I know why,” Fin said, her tears spilling down her face.
“She was grieving the loss of her pup, and she disagreed with Connell’s decision to claim you as his,” Lucan said in Maggie’s defense.
“Connell couldn’t take care of me, so he sent me to you?” Fin asked looking at Killian. “Not picking on you or anything, but what made him think you would know what to do?”
Killian didn’t answer, not feeling slighted by her question. He’d asked the very same question when he’d found out. He hadn’t known what to do. Until Abby had come into his life, he was typical in that he thought that all wolves wanted to be left alone to lick their wounds.
Killian didn’t want to be the one to tell Fin that Rajah had known about her heritage. Killian could see the anger and defensiveness in Fin’s eyes. Rajah had tried to tell him to wait, but he hadn’t listened. Looking back at his friend, he saw the anguish on Rajah’s face, and Killian knew that Rajah had been right in wanting to tell her after things had settled down. He regretted his rash decision now and wondered how he was ever going to get Rajah to forgive him.
When Killian didn’t respond to Fin’s inquiry, Lucan cleared his throat and answered. “Connell sent you here because I asked him to.”
Fin turned her dark gaze on Lucan. “Why?”
Lucan was momentarily taken aback by Fin’s fierce expression, but he took a breath and answered her. “I knew Killian wasn’t going to be able to care for you and guide you through life, but I knew there was a wolf here who could.”
Fin slowly turned to look back at Rajah.
Rajah looked back at her, his eyes never leaving hers.
“Rajah is like me in that he has the instinct to nurture. I knew he would serve as your Protector.”
Fin stood and just stared at Rajah. “You knew?”
Rajah nodded. He couldn’t find his voice. He heard the betrayal in her tone and saw the hurt in her eyes. His heart pounded as he tried to prepare himself for her anger.
“I had to confide in him, so he would know how to help you,” Lucan said also coming to his feet.
Fin ignored Lucan and stepped toward Rajah.
As she got closer, Rajah stood and looked down at her.
“All those nights I sat up talking to you wondering where my visions came from. All those conversations we had where I told you how awkward I felt in the pack and how alienated I felt from my family. All those times I wondered why my parents never wanted anything to do with me. You said nothing.” The tears fell down her face as she looked up at him.
He still didn’t say anything and that made the anger begin as a ball in her gut and travel up her spine. She clenched both her teeth and her fists as she glared up at him.
“You knew all along, and yet you said nothing.”
“I made him take a vow of silence about this, Fionnuala. Connell didn’t want anyone to know,” Lucan tried to explain, but Fin didn’t hear him.
“You always told me that you’d be honest with me. I trusted you with my inner thoughts and fears. I trusted you with everything, and everything you did for me was a lie.”
“No,” Rajah said lifting his hands to rest on her shoulders, but Fin shrugged, and he dropped them back to his side. “Everything I did was for you.”
“I don’t believe that. You kept the truth from me. You didn’t protect me, you protected them,” she forced out and pointed to the window indicating Connell and Maggie.
“I wanted to tell you,” he began, but Fin cut him off.
“But you didn’t,” she interrupted, her voice angry and cold. The one person she’d trusted the most in this world had lied her entire life. The betrayal sat heavy in her gut like a lead ball. The anger consumed her and threatened to bring her wolf to the surface. She could feel the tingle and imagined that her eyes might even be glowing as mad as she was. Instead of growling and ripping the male in front of her to shreds like she wanted to do, she unclenched her fist, lifted her hand, and smacked him hard across the face.
“I will never forgive you for this.”
Rajah’s head swiveled to the side, and she heard Killian yelling at her, but she couldn’t focus on anything except the sound of Rajah’s silence. Rajah said nothing in his own defense, and that told her all she needed to know.
“You are no longer my Protector, Prithviraj Kakkar.” She emphasized his name that up until a few minutes ago, she hadn’t even known. “You are no longer anything to me. From now on, I’ll protect myself!” She forced the words out then stomped to the door.
Before she opened it, she turned to face the three males in the room. She didn’t have any words to express to them how hurt she was, so she just shook her head, opened the door, and stomped out, slamming the door behind her.
Rajah stood there feeling the sting of her hand on his face. Uncharacteristic anger welled up inside him. When Killian came up to him and put a hand on Rajah’s shoulder, Rajah let out a growl and stepped away from him.
The surprise was clear on Killian’s face. “I’m sorry, Raji,” he forced out, not fully understanding until now how badly he’d hurt Rajah with this.
“I need to leave,” Rajah managed to get out. His wolf was coming to the surface. His wolf wanted to go after Fin and force her to listen to an explanation. His wolf was his emotional side, and, right now, his wolf wanted to comfort his chosen mate. But his logical side knew that he needed to give Fin space. If he confronted her right now, she’d say more things to him in anger, and some things, once said, cannot be unsaid.
“Go,” Killian told him noticing the neon green glow in his eyes. He knew just how dangerous Rajah was when he was in this state. “I’ll explain your absence. Calm your wolf and run your anger off.”
Rajah didn’t think he could run far enough to run his anger off, but he could run and exhaust his wolf. Things got dangerous when his wolf got angry. Really angry. Once his wolf calmed down, he wouldn’t feel the burning need to yell and lash out at the two males in the room.
Without a word, Rajah left.
Rajah stood off to Killian’s right, or as she just recently found out, his name was officially Prithviraj. She didn’t know what his full name meant, but she’d looked it up once and knew that Raj meant king in his native Sanskrit. He looked like a regal king, watching proudly as each male was sworn in. His handsome face showed his happiness and his contentment.
Having been sheltered her whole life and feeling alienated from the wolves who were supposed to be in her pack, Fin understood completely when Rajah had told her that he was fiercely loyal to Killian because Killian accepted him for who he was. Like her, Rajah was a little different and had searched long for the place he felt that he belonged. Rajah had found his place by Killian’s side. With Killian making Rajah his Beta, that spoke a lot of Killian’s respect for Rajah as well.
She was happy for Rajah in that he finally found where he belonged. As she felt happiness for him, she felt the sadness and resentment that she wasn’t allowed to be a part of this special event today. Thanks to her stupid parents refusing to let go of a precious commodity. That’s all she was to them. Something they could barter to the highest bidder. Well, that’s all she was to Connell. Maggie just wanted nothing to do with her, and, for the life of her, Fin never understood why.
Sure, some wolves get wiggy around things they can’t explain, but Maggie had always treated her like she was some contagious abomination. Maggie loved Duncan and adored Killian, that much was painfully obvious, but when it came to her only daughter, Maggie wanted nothing to do with her.
“We are the Teaghlach pack!” Killian called out.
“We are the Teaghlach pack!” Everyone in the room replied to Killian making the announcement that the pack was formed.
Without her.
But, according to Rajah, it didn’t have to always be that way. He’d told her that Connell had agreed to release her to join Killian’s new pack if she chose not to form a companion mating with Logan. She liked Logan and could see herself learning to care about him. If the situation was different, she wouldn’t find a companion mating with him something akin to a prison sentence as she’d first thought, but she’d spent enough time with him to know that he wasn’t the one who made her heart beat out of control. She liked Logan, but she loved Rajah. She knew it deep down in her heart.
As if drawn by a magnet, her eyes found Rajah, and she watched him. She was standing off in the back of the room away from the commotion, so no one noticed her right away. Rajah had left Killian’s side, and Fin’s heart accelerated thinking that he was coming back over to stand with her, but he stopped next to the beautiful doctor what’s-her-name to chat. The doctor who apparently was now in same the pack. When did that happen? Fin thought that she was here for Aoife’s birth then she was supposed to leave to go back to wherever it was she’d come from. But now, she was in the same pack as Rajah and didn’t the two of them look all chummy?
Fin couldn’t stop the quiet growl that erupted from her throat when the doctor turned and gave Rajah a hug. Every time that female was around Rajah, she seemed to be hanging all over him like she owned him or something. What’s worse is that Rajah didn’t seem to object to her affections. He barely let Fin touch him anymore, and yet he let this other female rub her hands all over him.
Despite Riley’s telling her that there were no romantic feelings between them, there had to be more to their relationship than just friendship. Maybe that was the reason the doctor decided to stay. If she and Rajah had known each other in the past, maybe she decided to stay so she could start something with him. As she thought of it, Fin’s anger grew but so did her jealousy. Maybe Rajah was pushing Fin away and urging her to find her own mate because he wanted to be with the doctor. Maybe he was waiting for Fin to mate, so he wasn’t saddled with being her Protector anymore.
Just when she’d worked up her courage to march over there and physically remove that female’s hands from herwolf, Killian stepped up to them and Athena made her exit. Killian said something to Rajah, and though Fin couldn’t hear what it was over the cacophony of voices, whatever it was, it got Rajah upset. Then they both turned to look back at her, and Fin had a feeling that her evening was about to get a lot more interesting.
“This is not a good idea, Killian,” Rajah said to him.
“Lucan wants to tell Fin. Kevin dying has got him all agitated, and he feels this need to bond with his family. He’s already approached Abby and wants to spend more time with her and Aoife.”
“And I encourage him to spend time with all of them, but now is not the time to tell Fionnuala of her relation to him. She feels alienated tonight because of everything. This will only upset her and will produce the opposite reaction that Lucan is hoping for. Let things settle down, and I will tell her in a manner that won’t cause her undo stress.”
“She’s almost thirty. She’s going to have to learn to handle a little stress, Raji,” Killian said and looked around. “Where is she?”
Rajah turned to look to where he’d left Fin and saw her looking over at them. She looked upset. “Killian, please,” Rajah pleaded. “Not tonight.”
“I’m sorry, Raji. Normally I defer to you where Fin is involved, but I’ve already given Lucan the okay to tell her.” Killian put his hand on Rajah’s shoulder. “Do you want to be there when he does?”
Rajah sighed. “Yes,” he said reluctantly. “I’ll go get her and bring her to your office.” He took a deep breath to try to calm his nerves then headed over to Fin.
She was going to be upset, and she was going to be upset with him because he’d known and hadn’t told her. She’d made the comment when he’d told her about Killian’s decision to form his own pack and Connell’s insistence that she stay in the Samhradh pack that she thought they’d told each other everything. If only she knew how little she really knew about him.
“Hey,” Fin said to him when he came up to her. She looked into his eyes and could tell he was upset about something.
He bowed his head to her. “What did you think of the ceremony?”
“I would’ve liked it a lot better if I was included, but it was nice,” she admitted. She kept her eyes on him waiting for him to get to the cause of his distress.
He remained silent, and that didn’t bode well. He always paused before speaking when he was trying to find a tactful way to say something upsetting.
“Would you come with me to Killian’s office? He and Lucan would like to talk to you for a moment.”
Fin creased her brow. “Killy and Lucan want to talk to me? What about?” she asked but took his arm and held on as he guided her out of the room.
He clenched his jaw. “I will let them tell you.”
“Okay,” she said uneasily. “Is it something bad?”
“It is entirely up to you whether it’s good or bad.”
What exactly did that mean and why was Rajah talking in riddles like Lucan all of a sudden? There wasn’t time to ask before he stepped to the office door and opened it, ushering her in with a gentle push at the small of her back.
Rajah closed the door and motioned for Fin to go over and sit with Lucan and Killian. She looked back at him, and he knew she wanted him to go with her for emotional support. He was her rock, and she believed that he’d always protect her. But he wouldn’t be able to protect her with this, and after she heard what Lucan had to say, he knew she wouldn’t want his protection. He took a seat in the chair at the end of the rug and watched, knowing that his heart was about to be ripped from his chest.
“Thanks for coming tonight, Fin. It meant a lot to me that you were there,” Killian stood when she came over to them.
Fin looked back at Rajah, and he nodded, giving her what support he could. He wished Killian would’ve let himtell her. He knew Fin better than anyone and knew how to gauge her reaction. But Killian hadn’t given him that option, so all he could do was helplessly watch and wait.
“I’m proud of you, big brother,” she said giving Killian a quick hug then finding her seat next to Lucan. “And, wow, you left the Samhradh pack to join Killy?”
Killian rolled his eyes at the nickname. Lilly had trouble saying Killian’s name and started calling him Killy. Fin thought it was cute and started calling him it as well. It was bad enough that Nicky called him Boss, now Killian hadtwo nicknames he couldn’t stand.
“Yes,” Lucan said turning to face Fin. “Kevin’s death has made me realize the importance of family.”
Fin nodded. She knew that Lucan was Abby’s great-great grandfather, so it made sense that he would want to spend more time with her and Aoife.
“Bummer about Kevin,” she said, not really feeling sympathy. She never knew the guy, and from what Abby had told her, he was a real fucktwit. That was the first time she’d been able to use that new word.
“Yes,” Lucan agreed.
“Well, I’m sure Abby would love spend more time with you, and, I have to tell you, you’re in for a real treat come mealtimes,” Fin said to him with a smile.
Killian smiled and glanced over at Rajah. Rajah just looked back at him but refused to acknowledge him. Killian usually heeded to Rajah where Fin was involved. He must be doing this for Lucan’s benefit. Rajah knew that Killian owed Lucan everything. Lucan had allowed him to truly mate with Abby, and Rajah didn’t begrudge him that, but this would take a bit of time to forgive.
“I’m looking forward to spending time with all of my family,” Lucan said.
“Yeah, Aoife’s a gem.” She looked up at Killian and smiled. “You know, I think the little squirt might have burped my name yesterday.”
Killian chuckled. “That’s my girl,” he said proudly.
“I’m not just referring to Abigail and Aoife, Fionnuala.”
Fin creased her brow again. “Who else are you related to?” she asked looking over at Killian.
Rajah took a breath and braced himself for her reaction.
“Did you ever wonder, Fionnuala, how you happen to come by your visions?”
Fin looked back at Rajah. Rajah knew she’d wondered and had suspected that something was off because of both Connell’s and Maggie’s reaction to her gift had been so volatile. They’d talked about it dozens of times, and Rajah had so desperately wanted to tell her but never could.
“I don’t understand,” she stammered looking back at Lucan and then over to Killian.
“I was companion mated to a pack female named Maeve Ryan,” Lucan began.
“You were?” Fin asked. She hadn’t known Lucan had ever been mated before. Somehow thinking of him that way gave her the willies.
Lucan nodded. “Maeve conceived about the same time Connell and Magdalena conceived their third pup.”
A shiver ran up Fin’s spine, and she got one of those all over body chills.
“Both females went into labor roughly the same time and each suffered loss. Maeve was able to birth the female pup, but she bled too much and died before she ever had a chance to hold her.”
Fin looked at him and the words, I’m sorry for your loss were on the tip of her tongue, but he didn’t look crushed. He looked as if he was conveying information about someone else. She bit her tongue and waited.
“Magdalena’s pup was not breathing when she was born. She never took her first breath.”
“Wait. What?” Fin asked in reaction to Lucan’s words, looking to Killian then back to Rajah.
“I was unprepared to raise a pup, and Connell was worried their pup’s loss would cause a rift in the pack. The pack had been planning a celebration for the Alpha family for years, and they would have been devastated.”
“And what about the celebration for your pup?” Fin asked, starting to realize what Lucan was trying to tell her.
“No one knew about my pup. Maeve and I decided to keep the news to ourselves. She was the only wolf of her line in the pack, and, of course, I rarely went out into society.”
Fin’s eyes filled with tears. “You gave your pup … you gave me to Connell and Maggie, and they presented me as theirs, didn’t you?”
“It was best,” Lucan told her.
“Best for who? You? Connell? Obviously not best for me considering both Connell and Maggie treat me like I have the plague.”
“Connell was hard on us all, Fin,” Killian said, unsure of why he felt the need to defend his father. He found his father’s part in this situation reprehensible, and his reasoning for deriving the whole plan was selfish and cruel.
Her expression turned fierce. “He didn’t send you away, though, did he?”
“None of us knew that you had inherited some of my … traits until you had your first vision. I tried to teach them, and, to his credit, Connell did try to care for you.”
“But Maggie never wanted anything to do with me, and now I know why,” Fin said, her tears spilling down her face.
“She was grieving the loss of her pup, and she disagreed with Connell’s decision to claim you as his,” Lucan said in Maggie’s defense.
“Connell couldn’t take care of me, so he sent me to you?” Fin asked looking at Killian. “Not picking on you or anything, but what made him think you would know what to do?”
Killian didn’t answer, not feeling slighted by her question. He’d asked the very same question when he’d found out. He hadn’t known what to do. Until Abby had come into his life, he was typical in that he thought that all wolves wanted to be left alone to lick their wounds.
Killian didn’t want to be the one to tell Fin that Rajah had known about her heritage. Killian could see the anger and defensiveness in Fin’s eyes. Rajah had tried to tell him to wait, but he hadn’t listened. Looking back at his friend, he saw the anguish on Rajah’s face, and Killian knew that Rajah had been right in wanting to tell her after things had settled down. He regretted his rash decision now and wondered how he was ever going to get Rajah to forgive him.
When Killian didn’t respond to Fin’s inquiry, Lucan cleared his throat and answered. “Connell sent you here because I asked him to.”
Fin turned her dark gaze on Lucan. “Why?”
Lucan was momentarily taken aback by Fin’s fierce expression, but he took a breath and answered her. “I knew Killian wasn’t going to be able to care for you and guide you through life, but I knew there was a wolf here who could.”
Fin slowly turned to look back at Rajah.
Rajah looked back at her, his eyes never leaving hers.
“Rajah is like me in that he has the instinct to nurture. I knew he would serve as your Protector.”
Fin stood and just stared at Rajah. “You knew?”
Rajah nodded. He couldn’t find his voice. He heard the betrayal in her tone and saw the hurt in her eyes. His heart pounded as he tried to prepare himself for her anger.
“I had to confide in him, so he would know how to help you,” Lucan said also coming to his feet.
Fin ignored Lucan and stepped toward Rajah.
As she got closer, Rajah stood and looked down at her.
“All those nights I sat up talking to you wondering where my visions came from. All those conversations we had where I told you how awkward I felt in the pack and how alienated I felt from my family. All those times I wondered why my parents never wanted anything to do with me. You said nothing.” The tears fell down her face as she looked up at him.
He still didn’t say anything and that made the anger begin as a ball in her gut and travel up her spine. She clenched both her teeth and her fists as she glared up at him.
“You knew all along, and yet you said nothing.”
“I made him take a vow of silence about this, Fionnuala. Connell didn’t want anyone to know,” Lucan tried to explain, but Fin didn’t hear him.
“You always told me that you’d be honest with me. I trusted you with my inner thoughts and fears. I trusted you with everything, and everything you did for me was a lie.”
“No,” Rajah said lifting his hands to rest on her shoulders, but Fin shrugged, and he dropped them back to his side. “Everything I did was for you.”
“I don’t believe that. You kept the truth from me. You didn’t protect me, you protected them,” she forced out and pointed to the window indicating Connell and Maggie.
“I wanted to tell you,” he began, but Fin cut him off.
“But you didn’t,” she interrupted, her voice angry and cold. The one person she’d trusted the most in this world had lied her entire life. The betrayal sat heavy in her gut like a lead ball. The anger consumed her and threatened to bring her wolf to the surface. She could feel the tingle and imagined that her eyes might even be glowing as mad as she was. Instead of growling and ripping the male in front of her to shreds like she wanted to do, she unclenched her fist, lifted her hand, and smacked him hard across the face.
“I will never forgive you for this.”
Rajah’s head swiveled to the side, and she heard Killian yelling at her, but she couldn’t focus on anything except the sound of Rajah’s silence. Rajah said nothing in his own defense, and that told her all she needed to know.
“You are no longer my Protector, Prithviraj Kakkar.” She emphasized his name that up until a few minutes ago, she hadn’t even known. “You are no longer anything to me. From now on, I’ll protect myself!” She forced the words out then stomped to the door.
Before she opened it, she turned to face the three males in the room. She didn’t have any words to express to them how hurt she was, so she just shook her head, opened the door, and stomped out, slamming the door behind her.
Rajah stood there feeling the sting of her hand on his face. Uncharacteristic anger welled up inside him. When Killian came up to him and put a hand on Rajah’s shoulder, Rajah let out a growl and stepped away from him.
The surprise was clear on Killian’s face. “I’m sorry, Raji,” he forced out, not fully understanding until now how badly he’d hurt Rajah with this.
“I need to leave,” Rajah managed to get out. His wolf was coming to the surface. His wolf wanted to go after Fin and force her to listen to an explanation. His wolf was his emotional side, and, right now, his wolf wanted to comfort his chosen mate. But his logical side knew that he needed to give Fin space. If he confronted her right now, she’d say more things to him in anger, and some things, once said, cannot be unsaid.
“Go,” Killian told him noticing the neon green glow in his eyes. He knew just how dangerous Rajah was when he was in this state. “I’ll explain your absence. Calm your wolf and run your anger off.”
Rajah didn’t think he could run far enough to run his anger off, but he could run and exhaust his wolf. Things got dangerous when his wolf got angry. Really angry. Once his wolf calmed down, he wouldn’t feel the burning need to yell and lash out at the two males in the room.
Without a word, Rajah left.
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